Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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