worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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