If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nicole vs. Life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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