I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize