I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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