Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize