Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize