Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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