Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize