I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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