Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize