i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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