"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
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So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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