Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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