I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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