just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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