Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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