First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize