We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
where does the pee come out of this thing
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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