Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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