I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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