She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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