i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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