The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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