I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize