Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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