I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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