he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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