he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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