I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize