i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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