Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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