just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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