Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
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