Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize