the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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