the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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