Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
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If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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