my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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