smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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