My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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