and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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