so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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