I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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