Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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