i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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