im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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