So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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