I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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