There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's like iHOP with fire
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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